Yes, there are lots of actual writing and publishing myths out there worthy of review. But everyone else writes about those. Surely you’ve stumbled across a post or two debunking such common myths as “literary agents are out to kill your writing dreams” and “first-time novelists don’t have a chance in hell of getting published.”
You don’t need yet another post about those myths, do you? No, you don’t. What you do need is this post in which I make up some writing and publishing myths of my own. Just so I can debunk them.
Isn’t this more fun anyway?
Oh, and I might have tried to stuff some actual helpful advice in this nonsense. I say this only because if you learn something, I want it to seem like I planned that all along.
The Myth: If you misuse “its” and “it’s” in your manuscript, you’re screwed. No one will represent you. Not even really bad agents.
The Debunking: While it’s true that agents tend to prefer writers who know basic grammar skills, a beautifully-told tale with a compelling author voice and commercial potential is usually enough to make them forget the fact that you can’t spell “pulchritude.”
The Myth: If you pitch an agent the same book more than once with the argument “I fixed all the stuff that was wrong last time,” they’ll put a curse on you and you’ll never get published.
The Debunking: Not true. You’ll probably need to look for a different agent, but just because the one you’ve been annoying isn’t interested in your much-improved novel doesn’t mean it’s unpublishable. And while it is technically true that some agents still place curses on writers, most these days merely block your email address.
The Myth: There is a higher incidence of liver failure in writers.
The Debunking: Actually, this one is true.
The Myth: If your novel includes vampires, portals or sullen teenagers who’ve recently lost a parent and are having a hard time coping and so they turn to drugs or cutting or sleeping around until one day they are awakened by the epiphany that “life is hard – just deal with it,” agents will draw a big red “x” across your manuscript (virtually, of course, because a Sharpie would really screw up their computer monitor) and reject your proposal out of hand.
The Debunking: If you’ve found a unique way to write about vampires or portals or sullen teenagers, you might just get representation. Here’s the deal: while it’s stupid and naive to follow trends in order to get a publishing deal, if you tell a good story that just so happens to also be a trending topic or theme, you’ll still have a shot at being noticed.
The Myth: All first novels are essentially autobiographical.
The Debunking: Well, that would explain why Stephen King is so creepy. But, no. Not all. Just most.
The Myth: If you write with a pen and legal pad instead of on a computer, every article about you will refer to this behavior in a way that makes you look like a self-important jerk.
The Debunking: Nope. But if you write with a pen and legal pad instead of on a computer and you make a point to tell everyone you meet that this is the way real writers write, then every article about you will (quite rightly) refer to this behavior in a way that make you look like a self-important jerk.
The Myth: Only crappy books are getting published and that’s why your book hasn’t been snatched up by an agent yet.
The Debunking: Both crappy books and great books are being published and the jury is still out as to which category yours falls under.
There you go.
You’re welcome.
Have a nice day.
Comments
23 responses to “7 Writing Myths I Just Made Up So I Could Debunk Them”
“The Myth: Only crappy books are getting published and that’s why your book hasn’t been snatched up by an agent yet.
The Debunking: Both crappy books and great books are being published and the jury is still out as to which category yours falls under.”
Aaaah, O Great One: Too true.
Wait, did you write “O Great One…”? I think you meant, “O Great and/or Crappy One…”. You know, so it all lines up with my debunking claim.
I’ve always wondered about that Stephen King thing. Thanks for clearing it up.:-)
Great post by the way.
Always happy to help people feel better about Stephen King. After all, he’s just a struggling writer like the rest of us. Well, not exactly like the rest of us. I imagine his struggles are more of the “I wonder if I should buy the state of Maine?” kind.
Nice break in my day. Comic relief amongst the flurry of publishing advice. Thanks!
Comic relief is what I do. And what I am. At least that’s how I like to interpret “funny looking.”
i would have to say that you are a good maker upper.
You have to say it? Is that because you have a rare backwards strain of Tourettes, or because someone’s blackmailing you? Either way, thanks.
I just discoverd your blog. It’s so refreshing! A little different twist. I like that.
I’ve been trying not to follow any more industry blogs, but this had to be an exception.
Well, thank you for allowing me to be an exception. Will you still want to read this blog if I really don’t think of myself as “in the industry” so much as “hovering around the industry and poking at its hanging flappy arm skin just because it makes me laugh when it jiggles”?
I too have just discovered your blog via a comment you made on Nathan’s blog, and I am pleasantly surprised to find a voice of interest and humor. Great post!
“A voice of interest and humor.” Can I use that on my blog header? Or at least my epitaph? Cool.
If I keep running into blos like this, my “follow” list will be longer than my novel!
Maybe you should write a novel that’s about a character who follows blogs when she should be writing her novel. Then you could put that “follow” list to good use.
*blogs
*Thought so. 🙂
Okay, but way more crappy books are being published than good ones…
Or maybe I’m just too picky.
Or maybe you are spending too much time in the Crappy Books section at B&N. Try the Good Books section. It’s not as easy to find as the Crappy Books section, but it’s worth the effort. Here’s how you get there:
1. Go to B&N.
2. Circle the Literature section three times, clockwise.
3. Tap on the spine of any Stephen King book, whisper “Marilynne Robinson has only written three novels in 30 years,” then secretly place a copy of Tender Is the Night on the New Books table.
4. Get some coffee from the cafe.
5. Go back to the Literature section and circle it three times, counterclockwise.
6. Get some chocolate from the cafe.
7. Go to the Info counter and give the clerk the password. (Hint: It rhymes with Mullitzer Spies.)
8. Do exactly the opposite of what the clerk tells you.
9. Enjoy reading all those good books.
You’re welcome.
I like snark and cupcakes…
You should be illegal. Reading your blog is addictive. I would love to have your books on my shelf, right next to Peter Mayle and Bill Bryson.
Articles like this keep me going, make me laugh and other wise encourage this old boomer to get on with it. It being whatever the hell I am working on at the moment, currently web design, but my mind, being as fluid as it is, tends to embark on different journeys, depending on how screwed my day to day is.
Someone asked me once why I carry around a notebook, scribbling all the time, have one in the car, my bedroom or anyplace I tend to park myself for more than a minute or two,my answer? Anything else is unacceptable. I have written poems while leaning against a massive machine as it slammed 1500 parts a minute onto a pwb(printed wired board) to eventually become the atm, mri, or wireless communication motherboards that populate the world.
I’ve written short paragraphs in hospitals, schools, and waiting rooms. It’s simple what we do and there is no way around it. I would sooner cease to breathe than cease to write.
I lurk online reading in my google reader all the wonderful articles people like yourself write, the best ones are ones that make me laugh, giggle or otherwise amuse me.
I am sure people tell you all the time how good you are at what you do, sometimes I feel that the people we like to read the most need to know that they are useful, not just funny or entertaining.
On one hand I could count the writers that have truly affected me and my life, FYI, you are number 3. Way to go and keep it coming.
Leaving now to ingest well deserved cookie and milk.
Actually, I am illegal in 7 states and 2 Canadian provinces. (I prefer not to discuss the details.) And I’m number 3 on your list? Cool. That’s two whole numbers higher than my ranking on those post office lists in 7 states and 2 Canadian provinces! Thanks.
You said “cookie” as in one cookie. Surely this was a typographical error, as there is no such thing as a single cookie. Is there?
Writers who boast about how writing with pen and paper is the way real writers write? Which century are they from? Didn’t they get the upgrade from quill to fountain pen?
I think the upgrade was too expensive for some. Plus, it came in so many different versions that some of the quill folks opted to keep what they had since they were already familiar with the quirks and didn’t want to learn new quirks.
Wait, is this about Microsoft operating systems or writing utensils? Writing utensils? Right. Okay. Same thing.