Yes, it’s a list-based post. If you prefer something more esoteric, read this post instead.
1. My protagonist has locked himself in his room and won’t come out until I agree to give him a love interest who isn’t sleeping with his best friend.
2. This computer can’t read WordPerfect files. Okay, so it’s been a while since I last worked on my novel. Don’t judge.
3. My muse left me to go work for James Patterson.
4. It is finished, but I’m waiting until novels about glittery vampires are “in” again before submitting it to agents.
5. Is true art ever really finished?
6. The letter “e” doesn’t work on my laptop. Try typing “The End” without it.
7. I’m still trying to make the first paragraph perfect. You know, for my query.
8. I can’t remember the filename.
9. Have you seen this newfangled thing called The Internet?
10. I’ve used up all the words in my thesaurus.
11. I don’t have a deadline.
12. I do have a deadline and it’s yesterday.
13. I’ve fallen in love with the delete key.
14. I have a needy spouse/child/pet/neurosis.
15. Carpal tunnel syndrome. Or leprosy. One of those.
16. Not enough monkeys.
17. Not enough Xanax.
18. Someone else wrote it already so I have to start over. Damn you Fyodor Mikhaylovich Dostoyevsky!
19. My mom says I have to clean up my room first.
20. I died years ago and the executors of my estate haven’t decided yet which of my kin will pretend to be me for the next few decades.
21. My novel? Oh, it’s all right here in my head. I just haven’t written it down yet. But it’s gonna be brilliant!
Feel free to use any of these, royalty-free. Or add your own in the comments.
Then get back to writing.
Comments
14 responses to “21 Excuses for Why Your Novel Isn’t Finished Yet”
Love these! Add, “I have too many other projects to complete.”
I would have included that one, but I was busy completing all my other projects.
I’ll take “8. I can’t remember the filename.” thank you!
You’re welcome. Oh, and that file name? It’s probably something like stephenkinghasnothingonme.txt or somedayiwillberichandfamous.doc or most likely latestversion.dotx.
You’re welcome again.
Yeah, #21.
Also? I’d rather bitch and moan about how no one publishes anything of literary integrity instead of trying to write anything of literary integrity. Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to go troll some literary agent websites and leave some scathing anonymous comments.
Just make sure your scathing anonymous comments about the sorry state of literary fiction are littered with misspellings and grammatical errors and generally poorly written. Because that would be ironic.
ha! 16. Not Enough Monkeys!
It’s always the monkeys!!
It IS always the monkeys. Except when it comes to global warming. I blame manatees for that.
All of the above…well, except it’s been years since my Mom told me to clean my room.
Great list.
Wow, your room must be really messy.
Unless you clean it without being asked. Nah…who does that?
I’m protesting NaNoWriMo.
My protagonist and I are in couples’ therapy.
I don’t want to go too far in before the publishing committee comes back and tells me they want me to add two subplots and subtract one…
You probably suspect this, but I am going to tell you anyway that you are funny, and I laughed at your list. I also laughed at your replies to comments. I don’t have anything to contribute to this list, but I do want you to know those two things. Obviously.
Thanks for the lovely encouragement!
Okay wait. I have reconsidered, and would like to contribute the following to your list.
– I lost my dictionary and have a deep distrust for the spellcheck ever since it failed to catch “thungs” as a typo for “things” and instead my protagonist informed her boss that she had some “thongs” to sort out.
– I also resent the spellcheck for being funnier and more clever than I am.
– I am distracted by research. By reading other people’s lovely novels and stories and blogs and articles and yes it is too research.
– YouTube. Stupid related videos.
I’m afraid I’m a #21 kind of gal also … with maybe some #17 mixed in. I’ll have to work on that. Great post, as always 🙂